Life is Bitter Sweet - Part 2

The idea or theme of life being bitter sweet is one that whenever I bring it up, it tends to be the kind of topic that connects to people in a real way. I think this is because we have all experienced this to be true in our lives.

I think about the times that are so common to many of us in this life that show this very well. I don’t know about you but I have often found some of the most beautiful moments of my life mixed right in with some of the hardest stuff. For example: Some of my favourite family reunion type times have been at a funeral of a loved one, the celebration of a new born baby and them being named after a loved one that was lost in the family, someone falling pregnant while another has a miscarriage, etc. I could go on and I bet you can insert your own stories.

I then couldn’t help but wonder how do we chew on this, how do we live well with this tension and as I mentioned in the previous blog Susan Caine’s book gave me language for my experience.

One of the things I have learnt about christian faith is that there is a version of it that says we mustn’t acknowledge the pain and hardships of life or we must just hold on for a while because it too shall pass. The thing I see in the text though is that people were honest and sat in the pain they were experiencing. The practice I see the ancients of our faith participate in is the practice of lament.

What is Lament?

Lament is the uniquely Christian way of expressing sorrow, pain and/or confusion. It is a form of prayer that expresses all of this to God and draws us back to him not for answers but for trust and hope that he is God. Or like this quote puts it.

Lament talks to God about pain. And it has a unique purpose: trust. It is a divinely-given invitation to pour out our fears, frustrations, and sorrows for the purpose of helping us to renew our confidence in God. Mark Vroegop Pastor, Indianapolis, Indiana

The amazing thing is that this way of prayer and communion with God is all over the biblical text. Some scholars say up to 2 thirds of the psalms is lament. And there is even a whole book called Lamentations which is a collections of writings about the lamenting of the Israelites at the destruction of the temple. See just like the people of God over centuries have had to live in a broken world, we too live in a world broken by sin and the consequences thereof. The ancients had this way of communicating with God and one another that I believe we need to recapture in order to process well, this bitter sweet of Life.

When I say lament I am not talking about complaining like we do about politics, the weather, the economy etc. I mean part of the language of lament is certainly complaint but it is done from an understanding that the God who we are lamenting to, is good and able to actually change things.

When I say lament I am not talking about well put together words to ask God to be on our side and do as we say. I mean part of the language of lament is certainly expressing your desires but it is raw and honest with a view back to the personhood of the loving triune God not our desired future, outcome or feeling.

Lament is faithfulness to him instead of trusting our own understanding and feelings.

Lament is the beautiful language of faithful people living in the here but not yet nature of Gods coming kingdom and this broken world. Lament is a way to sit with God in the bitter sweet and squeeze his hand as we chew, digest and experience the bitter.

(Part 3 of the blog will talk about enjoying the sweet.)

So what is in a lament that is perhaps different to a just regular prayer?

Answers may differ between the people you may ask but here are a four things that I have found to be true in what I have read and been able to practice myself.

Psalm 13 illustrates, them quite well:

Turn to God. 

Often a lament begins by an address to God: “How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?” (Psalm 13:1). The point is that the person in pain chooses to talk to God about what is happening. This decision in itself is counter to my natural instinct. I more naturally want to turn to myself or to some kind of distraction rather than to enter head on into a conversation with the almighty God about what I am seeing/feeling in this moment.

Bring your complaint. 

Every lament features some kind of complaint: “How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?” (Psalm 13:2). More than a sinful rehearsing of our anger, biblical lament humbly and honestly identifies the pain, questions, and frustrations raging in our souls. And I use the word souls there, on purpose because an easy tendency is to latch onto the external issue. Political instability, that is way easier to complain about than to complain about my personal insecurity about finances. This can feel too vulnerable but that is what is causing my soul angst.

Ask boldly for help. 

Seeking God’s help while in pain is an act of faith: “Consider and answer me, O Lord my God; light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death, lest my enemy say, ‘I have prevailed over him,’ lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken” (Psalm 13:3–4). Unremitting sorrow can create a deadly silence as we give in to despair (“there’s no hope”) or denial (“everything’s fine”). But lament invites us to dare to hope in God’s promises as we ask for his help. Lament allows us to begin to lift up our eyes from ineffective solutions onto the one who can actually do something about that which is causing us trouble.

Choose to trust. 

This is the destination for our laments. All roads lead here: “But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me” (Psalm 13:5–6). More than the stages of grief, this prayer language moves us to renew our commitment to trust in God as we navigate the brokenness of life. As we see the bitter in life trusting God reminds us of the sweet that exists in the person of God and his triune nature.

I hope those 4 ideas help you to form your own Lament prayers. If you struggle perhaps starting with the words of the psalmists or the writers of Lamentations could help. As some have said ‘Borrowed words felt deeply are equivalent to our own words uttered mindlessly.’

Please remember this is a process, we are not talking about writing one lament prayer or reading one psalm and feeling great but rather we are talking about a process that can be a part of your daily, weekly and monthly rhythms to help you process the bitter in your life and still choose God in the midst of it all.

Also, please remember that the time on this is unique to you. If your in one point of the 4 I mentioned for days, weeks or even months, that is okay. God can take it and he is in no particular rush in your relationship.

Lament my friends. It helps you process the bitter of life and that processing in turn helps you:

Back yourself. Trust God and Thrive in life and faith.